When I wrote my first shitty ad in my twenties, I was a mess.

I was an “Artist” playing at being an “Entrepreneur.”

In my mind, those worlds were oil and water.

I felt like I was going to split in half.

But what I discovered, and what I’m going to share with you here today, is that the divide between artist and entrepreneur, between “high” and “low” art, between “authentic” and “sell out” is an illusion.

It’s a mindfuck. The residue of archaic either/or constructs society excretes into our brains.

read more

The Fish And The Glass

A group of scientists divided a pond in half with a pane of glass.

Then they filled both sides of the pond with fish.

For the first few days, fish on both sides bumped into the pane of glass constantly.

In time, the fish learned that the pane was impassable, and avoided it entirely.

Then the scientists removed the pane of glass.

The fish were now free to swim the entire length of the pond.

But none of them did.

They had learned their lesson too well.

Those fish grew old and died, never knowing that the barrier they based their lives around had been removed years ago.

read more

How Your Soul Dies

It had been too long since I’d last had a fire.

The next morning the smell of wood-smoke on my shirt stopped me in my tracks.

I didn’t wash that shirt for weeks.

After watching Avatar for the first time, I was racked with cravings for the feral life.

I wanted to drink blood from a horn, to let my body grime over with grease and gore.

The ancient Japanese in the Last Samurai and their lives rich in rock, fire, iron, and wood got me the same way.

You don’t sell your soul in some Faustian bargain.

read more

Are You The Bitch Or The Boss?

There are two types of men: The boss, and the boss’s bitch.

In other words, you’re either holding the reigns of your own life, or you’re helping someone else hold theirs.

Most men, clearly, are the bitch.

They happily do the boss’s bidding in exchange for the rewards that come with that station.

Maybe you think the boss has it better.

Or maybe your money’s on the bitch.

But it’s not that simple.

Both the bitch AND the boss have their own price to pay.

For the bitch:

  • Stress tends to be low-grade and chronic (think numbness vs piercing)
  • Money tends to be small but relatively predictable
  • Primary demand is on the body, and only secondarily on the mind and soul
  • Problems faced tend to be low-level, mundane, and low risk/reward
  • Chief marital tensions tend to stem from insufficient money, low self esteem
  • Dominant residue tends to be boredom, sense of meaninglessness, self-loathing

For the boss:

read more

You Say You Want To Be Free

You say you want to be free.

I say, free to WHAT?

Freedom by itself is like a precoital egg: worthless until fertilized with action.

To “be free” implies that you are free to DO SOMETHING.

“Free,” as an ongoing, suspended state, without the attendant action you seek the freedom TO DO, is mere impotence.

Most men think of freedom as a state in which no one tells you what to do.

Think of freedom instead as a state in which no one but YOU tells you what to do.

In other words, true freedom means you are free to pick your mission, without outside coercion or interference.

read more

That Shit Your Wife Does

So you open the fridge and see your wife has THREE bottles of ketchup in use, all about a third full.

Or you go to trim your toenails but can’t because your wife borrowed your clippers before leaving for the day and left them who knows where.

Or you go to wipe your ass only to realize your wife finished out the toilet paper roll and never replaced it, meaning you have to holler for help, use the kleenex instead, or hobble to the closet with your pants around your ankles to grab another roll yourself, hopefully dropping no goodies onto the floor or your pants along the way.

read more

Follow Your Dread

How will you keep your life out of the shit?

By what guiding light will you choose your path?

How will you conduct yourself to ensure you do not, at your life’s end, sink to your knees in regret at the road not taken, the fence unswung for?

Every day presents you with a thousand paths.

If you do not set yourself some standard to follow, you will be lost.

So what will be your north star?

What guide will you follow?

Most men only say they are following their heart.

What they really follow is their fat ass.

read more

Why You Should Fight With Your Wife In Public

Your wife is visibly seething.

You’re trying to contain himself.

It’s dinner time, but no one’s thinking about the food anymore.

Clearly, trouble is brewing.

And then, there’s that final look or muttered word or jutting chin that breaks the camel’s back…

…and IT’S ON.

You and your wife are severely displeased with each other and at each other’s throats (figuratively, we hope).

Of that, there is no question.

The only question that remains is… NOW WHAT?

read more

Antifragile Sex

A few months ago I read a book by Nassim Taleb called “Antifragile: Things That Gain From Disorder.”

Taleb makes the point that institutions, governments, and markets respond to chaos and disorder in one of three ways:

Things that fall apart are “fragile.”

Things that endure are “resilient.”

And then there is a unique, little-understood class of things that actually grow stronger in the face of chaos and disorder. These things are “antifragile.”

What Taleb says of markets and institutions is true of genders as well.

read more


Had a lousy, fight-filled date with my wife last night.

Feel like shit today.

I’m angry and repentant and belligerent all at once.

My ground is shot: diet and sleep have been horrendous this week, due in part to travel, in part to stupid choices.

To my eyes, everything looks shit-soaked right now.

My point is this:

I fuck up and am fucked up.

Just like you. Just like everyone else.

None of us is exempt.

I used to think my fuckupery disqualified me from writing a book like LIT, from writing posts like these, from having the audacity to proffer my thoughts and advice on masculinity to other men.

read more